


feelings long since dead

by ninata



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Emotional Constipation, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Pillow Talk, bonus mode shenanigans, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2019-03-03 15:27:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13344087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninata/pseuds/ninata
Summary: Kokichi doesn't like how Shuuichi makes him feel.





	feelings long since dead

**Author's Note:**

> warnings for: low key violent thoughts (not at the degree of my other works though LOL), vaguely referenced self harm, the first few lines are literally the end of a sex scene, uh, not much else to be worried about i dont think

Kokichi's vision blanks.

His teeth grinding, his back arched and breath in a tight ball in his throat, Kokichi comes, his painted nails dragging across Saihara's shoulders. When he breathes again, his eyes flutter open, locking into Saihara's golden ones.

Unspoken, Saihara's lips catch his. A thrill shoots through him, even with the way his hips tremble at the thought of more stimulation. He can't handle much more until it starts to hurt, but Saihara makes him want to indulge just a little bit more.

His heart wrings itself, twists itself, pumps so painfully that he squirms. Saihara's clumsy, his tongue running against Kokichi's. So wet. It's a little disgusting, but Kokichi permits it.

Saihara pulls back.

His hair hangs around his face, slick with sweat and shining. Red blotches high in his cheeks, like someone smashed a paintbrush against them. The next color is purple, hickeys and bite marks dark in contrast to pallid skin. Yep, Saihara is like a masterpiece, Kokichi taking brushes and sponges and his nails and teeth and coloring him how he likes it. Something about that thought is too embarrassing for him to process, so he turns his head away. Takes the time to catch his breath.

"Um," Saihara pushes a hand back through his hair. "Was it...okay?"

"You don't need to ask that every time." Kokichi replies, stretching his legs. "It ruins the mood."

"Oh. Sorry."

He almost laughs at how pathetic his tone of voice is. Not in a bad way. It's charming, Kokichi thinks. Maybe that's stupid?

"Will you...stay this time?" Saihara says next. Referencing the fact Kokichi almost always runs, making excuses or disappearing in the night. A little rude to bring up. Kokichi has his reasons, none of which are that he's freaked out by the idea of another guy actually enjoying his company. He's definitely not worried he's going to ruin it, and he's most certainly not concerned that if he doesn't play hard to get, Saihara won't stay interested.

"I guess I can. Why?"

Saihara doesn't reply. He does something instead.

He lies down next to him, awkward in his positioning, a little stiff around the shoulders. His skin is highlighted by beads of sweat, his chest rising and falling, broad and soft looking. Kokichi realizes he's staring, but Saihara hasn't noticed.

"T-That was, um. Nice."

Kokichi, collecting the sheets over his body, wonders how one man could be so eloquent. Really, he had such a way with words. It's making him fall in love.

...Er. Not going to analyze that thought. Kokichi kicks away a used tissue, tucking the lines of white scars along his stomach and thighs under the covers. 

"Well, I'm sure it was very nice for Saihara-chan. After all, a virgin like you doesn't get many chances with--"

The snide remark is cut off by a pair of lips against his jaw, a hand reaching and grazing his cheek before settling on his temple. An arrow of heat shoots through his body, lodging itself into his chest.

"Uh, sorry, what were you saying?"

"...Nee-heehee. Nothing."

Unpredictable. That was what Saihara was, and that was why he was interesting.

Right? That was what he had decided. These two reasons were Kokichi's solid evidence as to why he spends time with Saihara, why he laughs a little too genuinely when Saihara says something stupid on a date, why he stops by his room and shoves a ticket at him and proclaims they're spending time together, only to hump each other mindlessly in the AV room, ignoring the movie playing.

Interesting. That's Kokichi's motivation for everything. For his words, for his actions, for his thoughts and existence, for his breathing, the mood he sets and the atmosphere he painstakingly creates. The whole world he's crafted has to be the most dazzling, fantastic thing on the planet. Why?

Well, that's a good question. Probably because he's lonely, but that doesn't make a lot of sense, and he doesn't like thinking about it.

Saihara's grip shifts, urging Kokichi's head to turn. Another arrow sticks itself in his heart, and he tilts his head until their mouths miss each other, catch each other again, mold themselves against each other, chapped lips and spit. It shouldn't hurt like this, shouldn't make him want to cry, to pin Saihara down and hold him there until he's had his fill, hungrily taking chunks out of him until he feels whole again.

He doesn't know how to be brave. He doesn't know how to take the first step. That doesn't line up with his character, and he doesn't like it. Saihara's naked form taunts him, from the soft rolls and planes of flesh to the long eyelashes. On second thought, he really doesn't want to try and get off again when he was just at it minutes ago, but he wants  _ something. _

He wants everything. He wants to feel him, wants to hold him. Wants to be held, wants to feel something press against the heart trying so desperately to beat out of his chest, hold it down. He feels like he's coming apart. It's scaring him.

Is this what love is?

That's another thought he doesn't like, but Saihara's pulled away again. He's safe for now. Kokichi relaxes against Saihara's pillows, trying to find some comfort there. He was so sure he was beyond this kind of thing, unable to fall this deep into the mire. How someone so stupid could ever pique his curiosity. He loathes these feelings. He loathes how happy it makes him. And most of all, he loathes Saihara for making him fumble like this.

"I think...I'm going to take a nap." Saihara mutters, his hand resting again on Kokichi-- his side, this time. "Will you stay here?"

"I'm not making any promises." Kokichi's voice is soft. He didn't mean for it to come out that way, so...gently. Gives the words meaning he doesn't like.

"O-Okay…" Saihara looks down, thick eyelashes shading his eyes. There isn't a bad angle on him. Kokichi looks to the ceiling in hopes the conversation will end and Saihara will knock himself out.

The whole situation reeks of something more intimate than he thinks he deserves. Kokichi's conflicted, moreso than he should be in a dating game aimed to pair people off. Sure, he got a little too friendly too fast, but something like this…

Can he allow something like this?

Happiness, that is. Can he let himself be happy? He doesn't understand why that'd be a problem, but it is. Can he believe that Saihara's feelings for him weren't a natural result of Kokichi's manipulation? Can he ever let his guard down?

No, right?

He doesn't know the answers. He doesn't like that.

But at least it's interesting.

**Author's Note:**

> i figured i should write something other than my pregame collection and last night at like 3 am i shat this all out. fixed it up this morning. hope it's...palatable? coherent?  
> i should clarify that while the imagery was a little violent, i didn't mean ouma ACTUALLY wants to hurt saihara, not even in a.... sexy...way... its just the imagery. also he likes to bite. let him bite.  
> i like writing about ouma's feelings. he's stupid.


End file.
